Sunday, December 11, 2011


Voices scramble thoughts all over the forehead
Like a kool aid rash from hair dying.
What can you tell from fallen locks
Collected and wrapped in prayer flags
Storied at the feet of marriage storks?

Will they take on some meaning?
The silly looks, smiles and smirks reveal nothing.
A black toque hides,
The altar carefully kept to honor
Nothing less than a life of sand and ash.

I am tired, beloved, of opening my heart
To the want of eyes,
Vibrating fully into empty space
Marking time.
I rub the darkness alone, here, under
the cracking plaster of the cold. 

:: Note :: ... tired ... 

Saturday, December 10, 2011

four recurring dreams

I am lost in a foreign city. Usually the city is  in a state of ruin. Though I meet people from my long ago past am unable to find my way & never make it to the airport. The panic wakes me up.

My university degree is revoked as it is discovered I neglected to hand in a required essay.

My car is broken into and ransacked.

I'm mortally sick unable to die.

:: Note :: ... after a four year absence Oblivio: Stories and such by Michael Barrish returns ...  in the early days of blogging before twitter & facebook and the whole notion of social media he was a favourite ... his quirky humour & wit, clean & minimal look with what I believed to be a deeper sense of purpose inspired me  ...  the reason I love a good rss reader is a subscription may lie dormant for years & suddenly come to life ... as in the past  Four Recurring Dreams  inspired this post of mine ... I missed you Michael ...  much like the etymology of Oblivio & much like Forgetfulness from Idiotic Hat: Tales told by an Idiot ... 

Friday, November 11, 2011

The Hollow Men

:: Note ::  ... have always been fascinated with T. S. Eliot & Apocalypse Now ... thanks VorthosForum ...

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

How tundra came.


A wintastery
Rice paper lanterns float
on cascading milky ways.

Thoughts stand frozen
like star prints
in the meridian.

On the glacier 
under the snow – the bones
were crackling with the wind.

Memories drift from
the gauze of moonbeams –
like a veiled volcano.

Sleeping in the sparkling.
There, I buried –
forgotten in the frostline.


Sharp claws of black
scratch the surface –
a curious rejection. 

Roused from dream.
I met an immense shadow
in a pair of eyes.

These meetings
set out under ice 
flows inside out.

You see me
I see you
another no other.


Go quiet as breath,  
toward the density. 
Troubles are a search.
I hear the lament -
the ballad of yesteryear.

The red rhythm beats
La neige blues meet
We all fall down.

I have been there -
lying in times past
gradient back traces.


The ice fields open
and he doesn't see me.
This shimmer.

Something has happened.
The moon lights up the sky.
We knew about it.

Hear the silence.
I hum a secret, to reach
all the way in there.

A vibration of the heart
What a strange calm -
the inner pulse.

:: Note :: ... describing the birth of a work in ways of associology ...

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

For the You & Tundra

Poster by Lindsey Rewuski
:: Note ::  ... a training turned performance ... performed by Kristen Holfeuer & Jules Mercier | Music by Matt Voyno | Directioned by Raymon Montalbetti ... YouTube montage of For the You ... FaceBook Event Page ...

Sunday, October 16, 2011


Drama of Associology
a statement

Associology  is not a discipline.  It is the evidence of a drama.
Drama is a relationship.  The relationship is ongoing.  Associology is an act of devotion in the relationship.
I want to believe that in associology the act of drama is its own reward.
I want to believe the drama, when one devotes oneself to it, extends beyond the boundaries of drama.
I want to believe associology values inquiry over conclusion.
To attempt to be conclusive is to attempt to make dramas that are, in effect, statements.
Attempting to make a statement with associology undermines the idea that drama is a relationship.
These words are a statement and they are not associology.

:: Note :: ... statement heavily influenced by Douglas Witmer ... the idea of Associology came from supervalentthought : 
A poetics of associology whose noise world sits me down in disbelief at the rare freedom of other people’s minds. Not because attention gets things right (any more than attachment guarantees love), and not because there’s always in operation productive energy that can never be tamed but because—in these poems, and for me–revolt requires curiosity, a tipping over on a verge. 

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Why write songs

"What is it that makes you want to write songs? In a way you want to stretch yourself into other people's hearts. You want to plant yourself there, or a at least get a resonance, where other people become a bigger instrument than the one you're playing. It becomes almost an obsession to touch other people. To write a song that is remembered and taken to heart is a connection, a touching of bases. A thread that runs through all of us. A stab to the heart. Sometimes I think songwriting is about tightening the heartstrings as much as possible without bringing on a heart attack." 
- (Life  - Keith Richards)
:: Note :: ... seems like a good answer to What makes you want to create theatre? ... i enjoy reading musicians writing about themselves ....

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

Beginning Notes

... reaching for a perception founded on the unexpressed emotion within an image ... moments of open beauty, solid emotional tones, symbolic substance, and inherent abstraction ...

 “I prefer winter and fall, when you can feel the bone structure in the landscape---the lonliness of it---the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it---the whole story dosen't show.” ― Andrew Wyeth

  :: Note :: ... working title Tundra ... joy of playing with Jules & Kristen ...

Thursday, September 08, 2011

A Process

The practice begins with the creation of personal material by freely improvising physical movements and vocal sounds until a clear physical and emotional association is established. A series of associations are then created. These associations are then individually refined to become as exact and repeatable as any structured movement. Once the association is refined it is called a Glyph. An aspect of Glyphs are they keep their improvised quality being immediate and may seem to the spectator to be created on the spot, but in fact are highly scored.

Upon creating a series of Glyphs, they are then put together in a larger sequence called a Petroglyph. The Petroglyph is a montage of physical and vocal scores (Glyphs) combined in such a way as to create an action. Shaping the Petroglyphs through pacing, duration, tempo and dynamics allows dramatic arcs to be rendered. The Petroglyphs are then aligned and rendered again into a piece with a rhythmic coherence. For the You is made up of four Petroglyphs.

The sequence of Glyphs & Petroglyphs, artifacts & environment help cultivate meaning. Ultimately the experience is completely objective. Like viewers of surrealist paintings meaning is created in disparate images presented by the artist.

The experience is, in part, fed by what is not given to the spectator. An important aspect of the work is the presence of the absence. Other characters, relationships, and outside forces are implied but never shown. A creature in a horror film is never shown but is made real by the imagination of the movie audience. The way I move or use voice or place the un-shown person/object in space with my eyes all create the presence of something that is actually absent. The beauty is we (performer & spectator) imagine something different: an objective experience, collectively. During the piece, the spectator’s imaginations fill in the blanks carefully crafted by the artist to create their own, individual stories. The spectator is a creative collaborator.

Text is used as a foothold throughout the piece as moments the audience can relax and receive apparent meaning so they are not relentlessly forced to create.

Humans naturally want to make sense of the world around them, to create reasons for actions and justify moments of seeming randomness. Association drama allows the spectator to create and removes the ego from the performer by displacing the act of telling the audience exactly how it should be. - Kristen

A path through the drama is an immersion and connection. What's it about? Where is it? These are not exactly the right questions. An entering deeply into relationship is a way of following. Surrounded by actions, associations all around touch and shape the territory. That's where you watch, isn't it? That's how and where you wonder? Everything you've seen you've seen from within the nature of the drama.
At every instance you expect what is hidden everywhere.
You know it because you are the story.
- raymon

:: Note :: ... this document was created from notes during the working process of For the You ... it was included on the back of the program ...

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Temple Theatre

Kristen Holfeuer / For the You / ᕦ
What happens when we remember?
What happens when we delve into the memories of others?

Are we entitled to the knowledge contained in the memories of those who came before us?

I don’t feel like this piece was created so much as remembered. If process, form, and content all inform one another, it is only right a piece about memory should be created by remembering and then shaped like memories floating (or sometimes hiding) in the brain.
- Kristen

... engages the ancestor, lets her speak giving back her voice. Tells a story to the ancestor in ourselves. For the lives of others to truly matter the ancestor must be encountered to open the present.

... Walter Benjamin in 'The Storyteller', "less an answer to a question than a proposal concerning the continuation of a story which is just unfolding."

... enlists the ancestor to an attentiveness that lives & moves from breath to breath, body to mouth, sound to word singing the world we carry. - Raymon

AeRan Jeong / Sori (Sound)
Pansori / Chunhyangga: story of love between Chunhyang, the daughter of a kisaeng, legally an entertainer of the government, required to perform various functions for the state and Yi Mongryong, the son of a magistrate.
Dongbaek taryong (Camellia Call): Minyo (Folk Song)
Pansori / Heungbuga: A story of Heungbu who was a poor but good man with many children.
Pahrongsae (Bluebird)
Pansori: The term pansori is derived from pan (판, meaning "a place where many people gather"), and sori (소리, meaning "sound").

Raymon Montalbetti / Delights
... meeting & meanderings in the cultural stream ... a tone poem following Grass Jelly, part one of meeting & meanderings ... a little bit like putting body memory back into cultural memory and likewise archiving the cultural memory back in the body - both of which tickle a bit.

Text: from The Story of the Mount Potala Delights verse 139, 140 & 141.
A Visionary Journey - Longchenpa
Translated and annotated by Herbert V. Guenther

We hope you enjoy.

:: Note :: ... All photos from a Rehearsal Shoot by b. proudlove ... presented on the evenings of Aug. 14 & Sept. 5.

Thursday, September 01, 2011

drama path

A path through the drama
is merely where the words aren't:
an immersion and connection.
What's it about? Where is it?
These are not exactly the right questions;
It is an entering deeply into relationship
that is the way of following.
It is surrounded by actions;
if it had a nature, it would be
the associations all around that touch
and shape the territory within it.
That's where you watch, isn't it?
That's how and where you wonder.
Everything you've seen you've seen from it.
At every instance you expect
what is hidden everywhere.
You know it because you are the story.

:: Note :: ...... apologies to Samuel Menashe Reeds Rise From Water & Crispin Sartwell (The Green door Issue 4 Here / Now / Here ...) ...

Tuesday, August 02, 2011


" Training has always given me, to this day, a satisfaction - as if it appeased that part of my nervous system which has to do with rhythms. It's as if the rhythm of what they do and the way they do it, appeases, satisfies meets with the needs of that part of me which I call the animal, the nervous system: this has nothing to do with the creative force of a performance, in which the associative element is of paramount importance.

This training for me: a sort of symphony of similar tensions and I can immediately spot if these tensions are like gymnastics - if I see it and it doesn't speak to me, or if on the contrary it starts to arouse a part of my nervous system, is the only way I can explain it to myself.

All this was also an apprenticeship to a form of self discipline, being rigourous with oneself: don't settle for the first results, you have to continue and see what is beyond and when you meet a second result, you still have to go further ... it is a way of thinking which you can explain in words but that people can learn only when they are put in the condition to apply it for long, long months and years, only then it becomes an unconditional reflex." - Eugenio Barba

:: Note :: ... Eugenio Barba at minute five of the interview shares the above thoughts on training ... the entire interview is extremely worthwhile ... I love the ending ...

Sunday, July 31, 2011

visionary journey

Like a dream during your sleep at night,
At once understand as a certainty
That all the sundry notions you have are your own mind
Arisen from the sleep of ingrained tendencies.

Like clouds in the sky dissolving into the source from which
they have come,
At once understand as a certainty
That your ill-considered actions and emotions, your feelings
of happiness and sorrow,
Will submerge into the source from which they have

Like a reflection appearing in a clear lake,
At once understand as a certainty
That all the sundry concrete things, although they appear so,
have no substantiality about them
But are the gigantic reflection of a nothingness that has and
is everything.

(from The Story of the Mount Potala Delights verse 139, 140 & 141.
A Visionary Journey - Longchenpa
Translated and annotated by Herbert V. Guenther
Shambhala Publications, Inc. 1989)

:: Note :: ... text for tone poem ... Part II of meetings & meanderings on the culture stream ...

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The perception of beauty is a moral test.

Then all i have to do is
recognize her, lifting

her voice in pansori with an
upward swing on the drum or

listen to murmurs of dictee
behind a seamless white scrim.

The endless culturation following
the gentle curve of the Han, a way

of grace to what is other
beyond measure. Reaching for

saskatoonberries little orchid,
maintain the heavenly blossoms.

Wholeness lost and wholeness regained.

:: Note :: ... "the perception of beauty is a moral test" sentence is a quote from Henry David Thoreau ...

Friday, July 22, 2011

Like the moon up there

Early in the afternoon they were playing in the temple
They were looking forward to further dancingness and singingness.
They could find the presence of absence in the action of memory.
They might find timescapes to share.
Just beyond the industrial area they passed fire trucks and sirens,
gas stations, a car wash and a truck stop sprouting rubber hoses everywhere.
A girl carried an empty chair searching for the porch.
Feathers fell wavering to the carpet green.
The land was flat and ordered.
The streets were empty.
They sat against a wall of old Korean script beside the family of ten.
At the table behind a man wore a shirt calling for a revolution.
The rain fell off and on washing the earth never quite clean enough.
They returned home turning on the soft lights.
The closeness, the warmth, the silence of intimacy.
The sound of a drum, pansori and minyo.
Rich layers of traditional love chants.
Discordant harsh play lines recited from memory stacked over the carpet green.
The fullness and flowering would not leave.
Just before deep darkness
the ancestors rolled into the dreamtime with memories of sky flowers.

:: Note :: ... the years roll by ...

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Falling, Slowing, Flying

all was usual                a hot July afternoon
there were streams of poplar seeds on side streets
he had been thinking about what she had said
                       What is not spoken is unspoken often

Cutting for more precision          on the index finger
the splinter                 could not be removed

He showed her in the shade to see her
reaction to what he had been thinking          the sun
against the cloudless sky
                      neither of them resting just yet

In the small park
it felt as if the earth opened for them
as they passed into the sky          he had to ask her
                     if this were flying or

Always having seen her walk
which set her to song          her voice as haunting
as her shining black hair               his gait as heavy

                                              The statue poised
the inscription          readable though weathered illegible away
the trees majestic         silent waiting on the edge
restless perpetrators        the heat        unwilling to relinquish

                                     Locked in world time zones
they talked and then fought and then talked
and fought and it was like that    relentless    rehearsed

She would appear central in his thoughts         then go off
on her own            meanwhile            everyone but themselves
continued planning                   cities far away

Eating ice cream            with plastic spoons
he had no idea             how to die             kept living
                        turning away from the air

I don't care            he lied            I know you do
she insisted         listen         just listen    yes and no
to change    it does matter into what

The longer one lived        the less it matters

A young family intruded             the baby
betrayed his eyes        he thought more about after
when a stenciled girl held a red helium heart
                 on the portal of hospice

They wore the scent of Paris burning

He drove         He said nothing         She in the backseat
He glanced between the houses catching the river

It was still         the canopy of foliage
forced him to look down
           he dared not share the tunnel of love

Her bags zipped shut full of yesterday's possessions
held the young child's question
                       How do you become a butterfly

When you want to fly so much you stop being a caterpillar

Thursday, July 14, 2011

like hearing your name called in a place you had long forgotten

The morning the gum surgery was scheduled
we waded through fields of mosquitoes & walked
the flats in rubber jackets & hiking boots mud heavy
with soaked & sloshed foot trodden soles.
From the lookout we saw glorious sandbars &
followed paths to whitecap along the Saskatchewan
while the silence healed the previous months hurt.
Eyes bathed in the bright yellow canola summoning
brilliance while the hay rolled under the power lines
acknowledging our own steady fault lines.
I saw the goldfinch flitting ahead his body a trace
against the sky, the heavy overcast clouds dispersed
bringing an even heavier drowsiness.
I have read the world to which this man really belongs
is far away through the fissures of dream
& I have climbed steps down to rivers and oceans
feeling winded & humbled and been glad of the green.

In every sense have I felt on good terms with a clod of
soil, an unknown song, the smell of sage.
I have been cordial to the grasslands windswept face
and the patience of horizons, though I have worn
the river on my back like a memory.
Lover be not acquiescent of your smile
expressing the depth of happiness and
expel the demons that haunt this plain.

Saturday, July 09, 2011

having darkness

No not a shadow.
Like having midday darkness at your back you can feel
but you can't see.

As if it were boring into your skull,
the shape of a recently vanished figure.
He is not living where he really lives.

The door leads into a hallway
and up the stairs with a sharp corner.

It's not that they shared the place long
but the cigarette smell stopped lingering.

There was only one door and it was magnificently quiet.

Looking behind requires no effort.

Came another with a feeling of dissonance,
almost as troublesome.

Not of being absent but building belonging.

They were drying the air shifting possessions
from one place to another.

They moved along nailing and staining
without agreements.

He desired to make an invisible room.

He left cans and crumbs scattered throughout.
There was his black cat jumping to the window sill
watching every move. Broke through the screen to escape,
returning when called.

A scheduled group came drifting in with stomps and grunts.

If this took place anywhere near an institution
it would be clearly terrifying.

This could be the reason he has started to scowl wanting to howl.

:: Note :: ... peace will come soon ...

Re: Survival, in pursuit thereof

It is 2011, just before the thunderstorm.
Here I am, repairing, and I am bleeding.
I am located at the corner of alphabet village
at the bottom of the hill. I need your help. You will find me
surrounded by apartments, where the trees
tower especially silent during the day,
where shouts and cursing rubs the back alley.
We roam to make one another suspicious;
to fend from eyes that bring disease. We
are running on borrowed time, recycled filth in the
last cycle. Mouths open/shut.
We would be criminals to one another
stealing or scavenging. We would be sticky,
dirty and in vengeful stench. We would be lost or,
at least, struggling. Be hurt. Invisible
except to the most callous observer.
We will be sewer water. Potash tailings
of bleach. Collapsed lungs. No,
we must first collect. Be reused. Be taken apart.
Be lightning.

:: Note :: ... hovering before rising & falling ...

Re: Survival, in pursuit thereof

It is 2011, just before the thunderstorm.
Here I am, repairing, and I am bleeding.
I am located at the corner of alphabet village
at the bottom of the hill. I need your help. You will find me
surrounded by apartments, where the trees
tower especially silent during the day,
where shouts and cursing rubs the back alley.
We roam to make one another suspicious;
to fend from eyes that bring disease. We
are running on borrowed time, recycled filth in the
last cycle. Mouths open/shut.
We would be criminals to one another
stealing or scavenging. We would be sticky,
dirty and in vengeful stench. We would be lost or,
at least, struggling. Be hurt. Invisible
except to the most callous observer.
We will be sewer water. Potash tailings
of bleach. Collapsed lungs. No,
we must first collect. Be reused. Be taken apart.
Be lightning.

:: Note :: ... hovering before rising & falling ...

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

condo ritual

... one of my ritual summerl activities used to be gardening but ever since Mom sold the house it's been a simple condo balcony flower display ... have tried herbs but they don't seem to take ... the tomato plant she still receives from old neighbour Peterson thrives ... we'll see how things grow this season ...

... sure miss the raspberry bushes & the horseradish which was totally out of control ... oh yes & we always had to be careful with the zucchini or it would rule every spare space ... Mom loved the potatoes & beets ... she would go out daily for her lettuce, onion, chives & tomato salads ... mixed results with beans & peas ... we did well with carrots havesting them in the fall ... we got a couple of pumpkins for halloween ... tulips in the front were the first sign of spring & they were the first bulbs Stefan planted ...

... the honeysuckle climbed the fence ...

... we had these huge petunias, iris plants taken from Nana's place in Coleman, Alta. & of course the roses ... haven't passed through the Crowsnest Pass for a long time now seems it's time to ...

... still digging at the Temple ... only not gardens just trenches for weeping tile to prevent further basement flooding ... the Temple upkeep is relentless ... the roof is now fixed with no more leaking ... windows need some repair ... paint at the back ... new back door required ... ahhh ...

:: Note :: ... ... re-using forgotten (collective) memory-spaces ...

Sunday, July 03, 2011


Kafka has a dear place in my history ...

... Metamophosis, read at age 13, was the first work of fiction that made sense of the nonsense I felt around me ... after reading decided to spend a whole day as a worm at the high school ... arms entwined, squiggling from class to class ... great fun ...

... an adaptation by Steven Berkoff of The Trial was the first mainstage university production I directed (Nov. - Dec. 1989) ... an exhilarating experience ... the students were thrown into a process of me sorting through my European studies ... the retiring stage designer for that show was cleaning up his office when he found the original Trial maquette offered it to me which i gladly accepted despite wishing to unload rather than collect stuff ... photo to the left is from Emry's Dreams: Greystone Theatre in Photographs and Words taken by David Maneville ...

... Kafka resides in the deep recesses of my memory haunting as he haunted the 20th century ... await his latest incarnation ...

:: Note :: ... this piece A Message from the Emperor in the N.Y. Review of Books loosened these memories ... Mark Harman in translators notes: "I was mindful of the fact that Kafka often read his stories aloud with the 'rhythmic sweep, dramatic fire, and a spontaneity such as no actor achieves' " (Max Brod) ... would have loved to have heard him read ...

Friday, July 01, 2011

Last Day

... well as school concluded & report cards handed out in front of the school ...

... did I mention the whole basement flooded & my office, all costumes, props, sets, scripts, computers, filing cabinents with 25 years of teaching material were lost as well as the boiler room and all electricity ... apparently it flooded to a height of six feet busting through doors ... we're not allowed back into the school until mid-August ...

... well as school concluded so did a precious working relationship draw to a close ... for the last five years principal Chad has guided us through many a storm ... transformation from a mainstream high school of over 1,400 students to a inner city abode for just over 300 has been dramatic & challenging ...

... i met her when i was in grade 11 & she a grade 9 student ... our paths though varied have crossed often during the span of 42 years ... she retires today ... one of the best ... one of the extraordinary ... her last act was to give each of the staff a card of thanks ... each received their own message ... i quote mine ...

Well old friend, I wish you well. Working with you these past five years has been a highlight of my career.

You truly understand and see the goodness in kids. The world needs more of you!

I hope the next few years continue to bring you happiness.

God Bless you!

... i can only return the sentiments & double them ...

:: Note :: ... too much more to say which words fail to express ... we have all been "chaded" ...

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Journey Pouch

Blessings for the Journey

It has long been said that life is a journey. There are many different roads on this journey and today marks the end of one road and the beginning of another for all our graduates.

Their path through high school, which for most began at E.D. Feehan Catholic High School four years, is being celebrated today with the diploma that they proudly hold in their hands.

And now they step out into the big, bright, promising world ready to achieve their goals, hopes, and dreams for the future, knowing that all can be realized with God's help.

There is an ancient tradition in many cultures to gift a family member who is about to begin a new journey with a travel pouch containing items that they might need on the way.

At the Grade 12 retreat, these graduates received and decorated their very own travel pouches. They are marked with their name and adorned with symbols of their connection to the Feehan Family.

Today as we celebrate, these pouches will be presented to the graduates full of all the well wishes, prayers, and pride of the Feehan Family, who send them on their way.

Remember, you will always be a member of the Feehan Family. God Bless you all!

:: Note :: ... message to Grads of 2011 found on back of program ...

Saturday, June 25, 2011

ᕦTHA ...

ᕦ ᓳᐓ ᖡ - ᙔᕱᕆᒩ ᗛᔴᗐᖲᔕᗧᗨ ᙂ ᐤ ᕦ

ᕦTHA engages the ancestor, how to talk with her, how to let her speak or give her back speech in an act of counseling. Tell the story to the ancestor in ourselves. For the lives of others to truly matter the force of the ancestor must be encountered in ways that open the past wisdom of experience.

ᕦTHA is, in the words of Walter Benjamin in his essay 'The Storyteller', "less an answer to a question than a proposal concerning the continuation of a story which is just unfolding."

ᕦTHA enlists the ancestor to share identities of remembrance. An attentiveness that lives & moves from breath to breath, mouth to mouth, body to body, word to word & back again in the world which you carry.

... ᕦTHA

ᕦ ᓳᐓ ᖡ - ᙔᕱᕆᒩ ᗛᔴᗐᖲᔕᗧᗨ ᙂ ᐤ ᕦ

:: Note :: ... the above is my concluding statement to this past months wondrous actor's training quietly happening at the Temple ... a practice by a dedicated Kristen Holfeuer ... her search culminated in a sharing evening with a couple of trusting souls ... although many sources seemed to surround the search the spirit of Zygmunt Molik was omnipresent ... i dedicate this time to my mentor ... the markings are Canadian Aboriginal Syllabics which i used to document the body/voice/text "work" ... the question remains: what is this 'something' we share with? ... photo ...

Friday, June 17, 2011


Took Mom to the airport. She will be attending her sisters funeral in Ottawa. By the time I received the message & booked her ticket she was calm & collected. The voice mail message was tearful & hysterical.

Mom remarked on the peaceful beauty of St. Patrick's Roman Catholic Cemetery. To rest in peace and have a place of natural beauty where family may take joyful remembrance is important.

Aunt Shirley, born New York, New York Thursday the 24th day of November 1927, had been a tragic figure in the family folklore. The last time I saw her she was in the hospital. Her concerned sons were suggesting nursing home care which she was resisting tooth & nail. I had expected to visit a disoriented and weak women instead was greeted with a huge smile and loads of spunk.

Despite her trials & tribulations I'm sure that's how she faced the world in her good times with smiles & spunk. She bears the name Theresa - also my sister's name & she too had a tragic path & she too faced the world with smiles & spunk. Names seem to carry the past into the present.

Mom is quiet and somewhat oblique regarding her family. She loves them dearly but is quite content to be independently loving them from afar. It's a trait I've inherited. Reflecting now I believe I've inherited many of Mom's traits. I watch her age gracefully and elegantly & wonder if I will go softly into the good night.

The family is fiecely proud of their Irish ancestory & the following was on the Funeral Card.

Remembered Joy

Don 't grieve for me, for now I'm free!
I follow the plan God laid for me..
I saw his face, I heard his call,
I took his hand and left it all...
I could not stay another day,
To love, to laugh, to work, or play;
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
And if my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss...
Ah yes, these things I, too, shall miss.
My life's been full, I've savoured much;
Good times, good friends, a loved-one's touch.
Pehaps my time seemed all too brief-
Don't shorten yours with undue grief.
Be not burdened with tears of sorrow,
Enjoy the sunshine of the morrow.

~ Irish Wisdom ~

AeRan & Stan

Panel “Art and Archaeology”
Chair and discussant – Denis Samsonov (St. Petersburg State University)

1. Steven CHUNG (Princeton University): Cinema, Nationality, Archive
2. JEONG Ae Ran (Université Paris): Performance aesthetic and identity issues of Kumgangsan Gagukdan (금강산가극단), a professional arts troupe founded by Koreans in Japan
3. Nelly Georgieva-Russ (Academy of Korean Studies): Paintings of Immortals from the Mid-Chosŏn Period: An Album by Cho Sae-gŏl (1636-1706)
4. Maya STILLER (UCLA): "Masterpieces of Korean art" - A critical analysis of collecting and exhibiting Korean culture in Germany

:: Note :: ... AeRan in Moscow ... presenting at the 2011 AKSE conference at the Moscow State University Institute of Asian and African Studies June 17 - 20 ... there she found a monument to Stanislavski ... she claimed she was wanting to touch his precious hand ... i see her trying to pick his pocket ... she is simply amazing in her dedication & drive ... i am in awe ...

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Dueck shares her disappointment regarding mediation process
In perhaps her most frank comments to date during this protracted round of negotiations, Dueck implored teachers to remember that this has come to the point where it’s about much more than just the monetary issues. “We want to make sure our actions are not hurtful to teachers and the education system. This is bigger than about your pocket book– what we are also doing is trying to ensure that public education has a strong future, that it’s not destroyed in this province.” Saskatchewan Bulletin Vol 77 Number 10

:: Note :: ... negotiations by teachers with the breakdown of mediation talks seem headed towards ... well based on recent government actions ... not pleasant ... heart-rendering to advocate for education in a culture that revolves around an ill-conceived & short-sighted business agenda, a period of the privatisation of education ... but teaching itself is still fulfilling ...

Sunday, June 05, 2011

Pau Miró’s Buffalos

(Photograph by: Submitted photo, courtesy Arthur Despins)
“What I’m interested in is creating a relationship with an audience where we all say, ‘We don’t know,’” says Bentley-Fisher. “I find theatre often excruciatingly boring, because we all go there and celebrate what we know, and I find that really tedious — I want to go with people to where we don’t know, where we all take that chance. It’s not that we don’t care — we all want to know very, very badly — but it’s being willing to take that chance of not knowing. And colluding with an audience, saying, ‘This is well worth it, let’s all discover, let’s all try to find it out.’
“So, we’re very ambitious. We’re trying to get to the heart and the truth of something. That’s where our ambitions lie.” (Planet S | From Catalonia With Love | May 19-June 1 Vol.9 Issue. 19)
"Buffalos by Pau Miró dealt with the repercussions of an unstable family life, the physical abuse and the abandonment of a group of siblings who will have to fight for their survival and will develop very distinct mechanisms of dealing with the reality outside the four walls of their house. The fable core of the play transports us to a continent full of wild life, buffalos, lions, elephants and giraffes." (The Catalan Connection)
"Pau Miró’s Buffalos tells the story of five siblings who run the laundry & a quarter of the city and must confront the disappearance of a sixth brother. Aggressiveness, loneliness and survival are some of the background themes of the work ... a tragicomic trilogy with absurdist overtones are "set in the Raval neighborhood, which inspires playwright & director Pau Miró's work with its “charged urban cocktail” of hipness and seediness." (The Director: Pau Miró)
"Within one year Miró has initiated three plays and has completed the trilogy that takes place in a laundry in the district of Raval where the characters identify with wild animals. The play is set in the fifties and deals with the limitations of the Franquismo. It shows how the characters turn to a silent fantasy to get over their frustration. (Pau Miró)
"Jirafas, the grandparents. In Lleons, parents. And Búfals, children." (The secrets of giraffes)
"But whether it relieves or agitates, whether it darkens or illuminates, it is never limited to a mere description of reality. Its function always consists in appealing to the whole man, in permitting the “I” to identify itself with someone else’s life and to take on what isn’t but may possibly be. Even a great instructive artist such as Brecht doesn’t act only with reason and arguments; he also resorts to sentiments and suggestion. (…) Art is necessary for man to be aware of and to change the world. But it is also necessary for the magic inherent to it." (The Necessity of Art by Ernst Fischer)

:: Note :: ... Canadian premier in Saskatoon ...

Monday, May 16, 2011

finishing thought Part II

... continued from Unfinished thoughts Part 1
"Molik: Everybody should be completely free, with imagination and all that is necessary to stimulate a creative process, while making really clean actions."(p. 13)
This is the test for any working process. A pain of lack gives birth to possibility. We need to overcome obstacle. We need space around us and precious pockets of time wherein nothing is required then maybe something may occur. We need an intensified reach, indiscriminate exchanges that are often linked with notions of body memory. We need a sense of uncontainability, a transgression of boundaries, a porosity and indeed the conviviality, of what has been treated as opposed: information and matter, imaginative and biological, body and mind, organic and non-organic life.

:: Note :: ... after sessions of practicality ...

Monday, May 09, 2011

School Art

A wonderful moment at The Mendel Art Gallery of Saskatoon with the student artists talk. Since it's inauguration in 1972 the annual Spring School Art Exhibition has been a favorite of mine.
"School Art is in keeping with the vision of Gallery founder Fred Mendel. It was Mendel's conviction that art is for people of all ages and walks of life. (Folio MendelArtGallery Vol. 39, Issue 2: Spring 2011)

The young artist in the picture spoke with confidence and composure. Others were shy but all were received with genuine warmth. The Gallery was full of excitement and celebration articulating the joy of creativity. A grade one boy slouched against the wall hands in pockets casually confirmed "the cutting of his paper collage took a lot of time." Another self-composed youth produced a finished work which came from the study which now hung in the exhibition. Each work was treated with deserved respect. Afterall 200 artworks were selected from the 2,000 submitted pieces. Jurors considered the following factors:
Impact: an immediate chord
Authentic Expression: honestly envisioned & executed
Innovative or thoughtful use of materials: competent use
The elements of art and principles of design: color, composition, lines, texture, space.
Construction: physically well constructed
Individual merit: judged on its own merit
(from the handout: How Are Pieces Selected for School Art?)
There is a determined effort to select works from each and every school. This year I saw the gallery video taping chosen student artists for interviews. A commendable project. Looking forward to upcoming June events Shakespeare's Shadows Youth Theatre & SCYAP Urban Canvas.

:: Note :: ... the Artists Talk was held on mothers day ... a beautiful gift to all mothers ... took my mother who enjoyed herself immensely ... certainly hope that if the Gallery moves to a new location and is renamed that this School Art tradition continues in the spirit of serving the community ... by the way admission is free allowing all ages and status to participate in recognizing the importance of art ... also very much miss the Mendelog which had a more personal and community sharing feel ...

Sunday, May 08, 2011


ancient troubadour
dark glint
of violence
and amorality
inhabits stark
ugliness upfront
archetypal misogyny

:: Note :: ... created as an erasure ... missing ...

Saturday, May 07, 2011

How much irony?

How much irony can one take? I ran away to get away from my Father but, I only fell in-likeness with a reflection of him. At first it was quite beautiful, not caring and witnessing him as I opened my tired eyes.

But as I grew farther away from the one man I hated I grew closer to a younger version of him. He was something I craved for - a bad boy. He had such a pretty face, marble blue eyes and honey coloured hair. He also had God-like hands that easily explored my body. He smelled like the ocean, so calm and quiet. He was what I adored, wanted, needed and craved for. And, just as I thought irony ended it spat more in my face.

He was like my silent addiction. Just like the one my father and him shared. As pure as the cocaine their body craved, I wanted our hearts to beat to the same rhythm. Was it even humanly possible to love a reflection of someone you HATED? But then again was I that rude to assume I was human? What if I was a lost soul, a sad ghost or a hideous monster?

He always gave me mixed signals, made me insecure and unsure of him, myself and our "Relationship". I was giving up but I never gave up until i get exactly what I wanted. And I wanted him so badly. To adore him and to victoriously call him mine. Was it a game? Or was it me making it into a game? All these questions clouded my mind night and day until he was near.

We both had the same mind set and easily made it into a game of some sort. We both knew the only way you lost was if the other fell for the opponent. And we were both too proud to admit that we both lost. So we did what was best and stuck thorns of jealousy into the others neck. The only cure was alcohol. We both ran to the cure and drank away the poison as quickly as we could . We both lost. But he was sadly one step ahead of me and played the card of ignorance. As it worked I felt unsure.

He came up behind me, took my pride, killed me and won.

:: Note :: ... writes & writes with courage ... every once in a while a student that attends my high school classes hands me scraps of writing ... the words always move me ... I've suggested & encouraged the collection of writings towards publishing ... offered & received permission to post on-line ... hope to see more ...

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Who will

Spent a few hours after teaching driving voters to their polling stations. A little bit of field work, I thought. The poverty was startling. Run-down apartment blocks, small dilapidated houses, streets dirty and pot-holed.

A single mother with four little ones leaving the oldest in charge bringing her nineteen year old to vote for the first time. They knew the party leader they wanted to vote for but not the name of the riding representative. They resided on a busy, noisy thoroughfare and when asked if it was loud replied yes it was a difficult place to live.

A talkative thirty something, labored breathing, living with his working girl friend collecting disability insurance after two bouts in the hospital dealing with lung cancer. Fighting to get re-trained, unable to pay for his drugs and therapy wondering how to survive.

Another thirty something coming out of a single room home with ten people crowded around a TV. He's the only one in possession of proper ID to vote. The next door neighbor kids ask what we're doing and learning about an election ask, "Can kids vote?"

Approached over ten people offering rides to their polling station if they wished. All of them declined. One stated, "I'll watch the winner on TV."

Got home and a bicycle rider cuts through my path asking for some spare change.

It was a disheartening experience especially later that night to witness a parade of clean cut talking heads in suits.

On twitter two former students tweet. One unable to hold back tears of joy on the historical election of a Green Party member. The other a wonderful cutting if not cynical observation about the future.

For the next 4-5 years, probably not a good idea to get sick, lose yr job, get old, or have a vagina.

Yes, who will speak for the disenfranchised.

:: Note :: ... We all live together barely moving out of our little "worlds" ...

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Saskatoon Rosetown Biggar Candidates Twitterlogue

After a local newspaper article Election has candidates all a-Twitter decided to contact Riding Saskatoon-Rosetown-Biggar candidates and engage in a twitter Q&A.

All candidates had an account (Apr. 30, 2011):

285 Tweets 280 Following 1,189 Followers 136 Listed
55 Tweets 189 Following 201 Followers 23 Listed
135 Tweets 35 Following 29 Followers 4 Listed
2 Tweets 9 Following 11 Followers 1 Listed

Nettie Wiebe (NDP), Vicki Strelioff (Green) & Lee Reaney (Liberal) all started Twitter accounts for the 2011 election. Incumbent Kelly Block (CPC) started an account April 4, 2009. Usage speaks for itself.

Began with a Prologue - introductions and seeing possibilities.

Primary intention was to ask a series of questions. Needed to alert that the arts are important. Also posted relevent arts links from page numbers of their particular party platform statements on the arts to art advocate groups hoping candidates would become more informed on the complexity of arts&culture issues.
Canadian Conference of the Arts' online Bulletins and the Canadian Arts Coalition Arts Vote toolkit were main resources for both questions and information.

All except Lee Reaney made some contact. It became apparent he had no interest in Twitter.


i.. Dear candidates, your campaign is on: Who will speak for real support for SK arts & culture this time? (question co-opted with slight revision from Jian Ghomeshi tweet).

Kelly Block: Enjoyed hosting Minister Moore on March 17, 2011 who announced funding of$700,000 for festivals and cultural events in SK this summer.
Kelly Block: To start I would suggest googling Government of Canada and the Ministry of Canadian Heritage and Official Languages.

ii. Dear candidates. Any all-candidate forum planned?
no answer

iii. What is your vision for arts and culture in our riding?

Vicki Strelioff: Arts & culture needs more investment as they feed the heart & soul of society. People are more than machines.

Vicki Strelioff: I am involved with Scottish pavillion at Folkfest & on the executive of the SHDA. I enjoy music, art, theater, etc as a fan.


1. How will you improve culture sector workers socio-economic conditions whose annual incomes fall below Canadian average?

Vicki Strelioff: We need to establish an adequate base income & work up from there; establishing funding, grants, etc. to keep arts & culture vibrant.

2. How will you forge a culture policy of international exchange - a diplomacy of co-operation, understanding & critique?

Vicki Strelioff: Lot to answer in a tweet. GPC all about cooperation here & abroad. Can't we all just get along to achieve the common goals of humanity?

Nettie Wiebe: Hello Raymon. Thanks for the questions. However, they require substantial answers. Do you have an email address where I can reach you?

3. What fiscal measures do you propose to encourage SK arts philanthropy & private investment in arts and cultural work?

Vicki Strelioff: Better value at tax time for charitable donations made to the arts. Improve funding to Arts & culture agencies. Really support CBC!

4, What measures does your party propose to support touring and the circulation of the works of Canadian artists across Canada?

Vicki Strelioff: I would need to get details from GPC for this; don't know if there is time before May 2 to answer.

5. Do you support increasing the budget of the Canada Council for the Arts and if so, to what level and over what time frame?

Vicki Strelioff:You give tough questions! It's hard to nail down $ amounts, but I would guarantee no cuts firstly for sure & move forward from there.



Attended the all candidates forum and tweeted a thank you to the three present which resulted in the first candidate tweet to the others.
Vicki Strelioff:@if @leereaney2011 @Nettie_Wiebe As always, so many topics not touched upon which should have been.

Lee Reaney essentially did not use Twitter. Kelley Block stopped on Apr. 20. Nettie Wiebe tweeted infrequently though followed back (She did not e-mail back). Vicki Strelioff tweeted extensively, followed back & tweeted directed to me often.

A List of all candidate tweets. Should be noted posts directed to specific people (@user name) are not included on the list.

More info at PoliTwitter.

:: Note :: ... special thanks to Vicki Strelioff who sought engagement with thoughtful and continuous replies and extended conversation ... she also sought permission to use a tweet of mine in her speeches ... Kelly Block earned the most offensive tweet suggesting I google for information ...

Unfinished thoughts: Part 1

Finished reading, Zygmunt Molik's Voice and Body Work: The Legacy of Jerzy Grotowski by Giuliano Campo with Zygmunt Molik. My debt to Zygmunt has previously been noted.

My thoughts revolve around 'tradition'.
Molik: The tradition. Follow the tradition. That's all. And everyone brings something new to the tradition and in this way it goes on. It's very simple. There's nothing more to say. (28)

Campo Note: I have to clarify that Molik's idea of tradition relates to research of the sources of each human being rather than the theatrical roots. In fact he created his own techniques and never referred to any other method, whilst still claiming to belong to the tradition. This is indeed the specific approach reveled by the operation of maieutics as an exploration of the self.
My acting classes often conclude with a statement to the effect I come from the 'Grotowski tradition' and more specifically the voice work, though completely my own responsibility, is a direct development of a search begun with Molik.

T. S. Eliot wrote in an essay Tradition and the Individual Talent, "Every nation, every race, has not only its own creative, but its own critical turn of mind ..." What exactly do I mean 'tradition'? What is this searching? What 'critical turn' of a practitioner's mind is required?

Is it possible to inherit a practice? Could following the ways of a teacher/master with strict repetitive adherence reconstruct the meanings, proportions and values of an acting process.

I obtained my status as teacher by a labour of lived experiences. Through these experiences I perceived the presence of an acting process. I studied with a collection of the most individual work of actors during their period of full maturity with a growing sense of my own place in time and I fostered a deep appreciation of my relation to encounters with living actors. To teach in the present requires an awareness of the past which the past's awareness of itself cannot be articulated. I procured a consciousness of the past and continue to develop this consciousness with each and every classroom/training experience.

The paradox to discover my place/identity/process involves a surrendering of myself each moment to something more valuable. The progress is a continual self-sacrifice, a continual vigilance to follow the 'work'. In fact to become a receptacle for seizing and storing up countless exercises, remembrances, associations, feelings, phrases, images which remain until all unite in the moment of working. There is not the need to express myself but rather the need to follow a particular territory, " ... the unknown. I'm not going to explain what the unknown means, but such a thing exists, yes, and so it is possible to find it." (Molik. 5) The unknown, in practice, is when the practitioner combines their body, voice and life in peculiar and unexpected ways.
Molik: My knowledge. When I start a new work I don't use any knowledge. (19)
I take this to mean 'the work' cannot be done without surrendering wholly to the 'work' to be done and I am not likely to know what is to be done unless I practice in what is not merely the present, but the present moment including the past - fully conscious not of what is dead but of what is already living.

It would be false to speak of conforming to a way of working. It is more valuable to find a way the process fits into a life force.

continued at Part II

Friday, April 29, 2011

sun sojo

snow gone
so go
o o

:: Note :: ... playing with korean word 소조 (sojo) ... as Ae Ran writes her Moscow presentation ...

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Saskatoon Rosetown Biggar all candidates forum

The Riversdale Community Association hosted an All Candidates Debate Forum for the federal riding of Saskatoon-Rosetown-Biggar on Thursday, April 28th at 7 p.m.

Thanks to Community association president Doug Ramage for all his efforts to make this possible.

The room was full of maybe a hundred and started with opening statements. Each candidate answered four questions from the chair: 1) The Environment 2) Health 3) Housing and 4) Riding Priorities. Candidates then directed questions to each other followed by an open microphone on far ranging issues: Defense, Treaty obligations, Agriculture, Food and Drugs, Unemployment Insurance, Poverty, Advocacy Rights, Student Tuition & Costs, Water Fluoridation and First Nation University funding.

The candidates though reluctant to pose questions to each other answered all constituent questions succinctly with clarity and respect. There was in the room a looming sense of absence - in fact Nettie Wiebe directed her question to the missing conservative incumbent & all three assured if elected they would be a greater presence in the riding and promised opportunities for citizens to have their voice heard.

My sense was of more commonality and shared understandings between the three. What separated them was their particular party history and experience. Lee Reaney affirmed his strong support of the Liberal Platform, Vicky Strelioff confessed herself a non-politician seeking to represent those who felt unrepresented and Nettie Wiebe asserted the affirmative actions instituted by the traditions of her CCF/NDP.

I learnt much about the immense diversity of the people that took the time to attend this forum. All ages were represented. A dirth of suits and ties. This was not a hundred dollar a plate dinner or invite only crowd or a rally for supporters. It was not even a debate. It was more a chance to voice and express deep concerns and the overwhelming concern was please listen to us.

The lasting image was three dignified and passionate individuals seated on a stage in front of a forest lake background of green trees, fresh water, clean air and open sky. A symbol of place. Open skies, open minds, limitless imagination - my definition of democracy.

In the crowd sat a recent graduate and a present high school drama student of mine. Both students just entering voting age and both from countries ravaged by war - their eyes shone bright as they valued the forum experience.

They are the future that cares.

:: Note :: ... picked up the "Nope" postcard from material at the back tables ... printed by the Young Liberals of Canada ... seemed fitting as nope the CPC weren't there ...

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Quilico Awards announced

Winners of 2011 Christina and Louis Quilico Awards announced
Soprano Ileana Montalbetti won the second prize of $3,000.
Also performing in The Canadian Opera Company Rossini’s Cinderella (La Cenerentola) April 23 - May 24.

:: Note :: ... folowing her dream ...

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Running Amok

Reprinting an article from the University of Saskatchewan student newspaper The Sheaf. Drama Students Run Amok

Year-end project shines light on budget cuts in arts colleges

"We’re a tiny little building, we’re a small student population, but we have a lot of heart.” - Grahame Kent Drama Student

A group of 20-odd people run through the halls of the John Mitchell Building, chanting, “Now all the youth of England are on fire!” A fourth-year drama class instigated the ruckus; they’re leading the group through a metaphorical reenactment of the Feb. 17 fine arts and humanities divisional town hall meeting.

Art cannot be wholly separate from the world in which it was created, a maxim the expressive movement drama class exemplified with a recent performance. Developed as a year-end project, the performance was born in part out of their frustrations with budget cuts and downsizing planned for the drama department. They were in the first stages of creating the performance when the College of Arts and Science hosted the first of two town halls. “We got kind of riled up about the town hall meeting, and we were already in the middle of planning this project,” explained drama student Morgan Murray.

“We were sitting outside and reading the text and a few things just lined up and then we kept going a bit deeper and more things started locking in place,” continued drama student Grahame Kent. The words to the performance came from Henry V. As they read the text, they started to see parallels to their own situation. One comparison they found was to England, a place which had a “little body with a mighty heart.” “That sort of was like, hey, that’s us!” said Kent. “We’re a tiny little building, we’re a small student population, but we have a lot of heart.”

The movement class performed three of five prologues from Henry V, inviting the audience to join in at times, and moving the audience around the tiny John Mitchell Building. Only one of the prologues was developed around the idea of criticizing the cuts to the department. At one point, the performance moved from a small seminar room to the larger North Studio. Drama student James Aaron explained this part of the performance was based on events at the town hall.

“When the vice-dean [David Parkinson] came in and saw there were tons of people from the music department, the drama department and also the English department and religious studies, visual arts, all people that are affected by the arts and science, his aide came in and moved us to a larger room.” Two big black boxes stood at the centre of the North Studio with the words “The Project” on it to represent the proposed Clarion arts centre. The performance included knocking The Project over.

“Our drama department is thriving,” said drama student Nathan Howe. “We’ve had a few sold out or close to sold out shows the
last two years, so we brought in some images of that with the Clarion Project.” “Everyone’s expecting more good things to come out of this department, such as the Amadeus production next year,” added Kent. “We were trying to show the problem with that because people can get jazzed about that, but they’re cutting down staff.”

The students who staged the performance are clearly frustrated and worried about the future of their department. Howe pointed out that the John Mitchell building was supposed to be a temporary building, but the drama department has been there now for 18 years. “It’s technically a soil science building,” said Kent.

Murray added that the department will lose nine credits next year. “One general theme that we wanted to get across was that for those of us who are returning to the university next year… we’re worried about what the department is going to be like,” said Aaron.