how many times

… how many times does your father have to die in your dreams?

… a couple of days ago I awoke in heart beating terror from a night dream … had been the front seat passenger in a car driven by my father … we were in a foreign, futuristic metropolis navigating endless freeways … had stopped at an intersection ... car ahead turning left … we waited till an opening finally came and he turned but we did not move … the light turned red … annoyed and bored I stared out the side window at concrete and cars … the light changed and still we remained motionless … turned to see my father slumped dead face up on the steering wheel … the face last seen in the casket many years ago …

… I awoke …

… this was not the first time dreamt of his death after his death …

… once before years ago … was leaving an Italian restaurant of my early youth when saw my father crossing the street … impossible I thought he's passed away … but it was him ... chased after the figure … he crossed the street into an oncoming truck and was killed instantly …

… I awoke …

… have dreamt of him often in situations where he doesn't die … yet how many deaths does it take?

- See: Writings Personal

::note::... impelled to write by White Apples by Donald Hall ... first line:
when my father had been dead a week

Popular posts from this blog

Heart Play

My thoughts are wounds in my head. My brain is a scar. I want to be a machine. Arms to drag legs to walk no pain no thinking. (Heiner Müller , 'Hamletmachine' ) Heartplay A May I lay my heart at your feet. B If you don't make a mess on my floor.. A My heart is clean.. B We'll see, won't we.. A I can't get it out.. B Would you like me to help you.. A If you wouldn't mind.. B It'll be a pleasure. I can't get it out either.. A cries. B I will remove it surgically. What have I got this penknife for anyway. We'll have this sorted out in no time. work will keep you from despair. Right, there we are. But this is a brick. Your heart is a red brick.. A Yes, but it beats only for you.. (1981) A beats B to death with the brick.. (Addition, July 1991). ------------- Heiner Müller ----------------- from Heiner Müller Theatremachine translated and edited by Marc von Henning
Read more

Dobong

Image
 ... moved into a new place ...  ... first night there in a deep sleep was visited by a short middle aged man ... well dressed in a black suit ... seemed to be Korean but not sure ... although silent the figure's presence was so strong i was pulled out of dream to fully awake ... as I lay in bed the after image of him remained standing silently in the hallway just outside the open bedroom door ... he wasn't really looking at me but i felt he sensed i was now aware of his presence and didn't wish to startle me ... finally assured he was a dream figure i fell back to sleep ... only later to be visited again ...  this time not in dream but upon waking saw him standing fully in the doorway ...  a serious, calm face he looked directly into my eyes ...  ...  i knew he was an apparition  & examined his demeanour ... he was likewise examining me with a gentle questioning look ... oh a previous owner of the apartment i thought ... he didn't move or speak ju...
Read more
* The teacher rarely tells students what he thinks. * Generally, he does not accept a single statement as an answer to a question. * He encourages student-student interaction as opposed to student-teacher interaction, generally avoids acting as a mediator or judging the quality of ideas expressed. * His lessons develop from the responses of students and not from a previously determined "logical" structure. (Postman & Weingartner, 1969, p. 33-36) * Generally, each of his lessons pose a problem for students. * He rarely summarizes the positions taken by students on the learnings that occur. He recognizes that the act of summary or "closure" tends to have the effect of ending further thought. "* He rarely summarizes the positions taken by students on the learnings that occur. He recognizes that the act of summary or "closure" tends to have the effect of ending further thought." ( Teaching as a Subversive Activity: Book Review ) (via Incorporat...
Read more